In My Place

The schoolday today went really well, that hardly ever happens on wednesdays. The reason I hate wednesdays is because I have ever single class, and in almost every class, homework will be assigned and due the next day. Anyways, after school I was dropped off at Joe's house and he was waiting for me on his porch like he always does when he knows I'm almost there. I just think that that is the sweetest thing :-) That he's really that excited to see me. Well, anyways, we got inside and watched my favorite TV show, the Ghost Whisperer. We talked some and kissed on and off, but his mom walked in on us kissing one time. So we stopped for awhile and continued to kiss some more later. We had dinner at his house and then went to his church for the afternoon. The weather had started to get pretty bad, it started to sleet and then rain, and then snow. So church was only half as long as it usually is. I went with Joe to his Bible Study class. After hearing a cute little moral story about this dog, his pastor asked us what brings us joy in our lives and I said that Joe brings me joy. He gives me companionship and company, support when I need it, and love, hope. Joe said that I bring him joy as well because he felt like there was something missing in his life, and when I came into his life, that missing something was found. After church was over, we went back outside through the snow to get to the car. On the way to my house, I started to shiver so he held me close to keep me warm. He whispered the sweetest things in my ear on the way home. When we got to my house, he gave me a kiss and walked me to the door and then left. A few hours ago we were texting and he told me there was something he needed to tell me. Whenever he says those words...I always panic. I also panic when he says theres something I need or want to ask you. I don't know, all of those words just make me so nervous sometimes. Well this time, apparently his mom talked to him on the way back to his house in the car about seeing us kiss earlier today. She gave him advice for us to take things slowly and not rush anything because it could ruin the relationship. I...do agree with what she said, it COULD ruin the relationship. And taking things too quickly has ruined MANY other relationships. But I don't think she understands that this is our relationship, we could work it out. We could work anything out together. But he agrees with her more than I do (although I didn't tell him I fully agreed 100%). I love him...I love him more than anything, Joe IS everything to me. I don't know what I'd ever do without him. A life without Joe isn't worth living at all. So...I told him that I understand, and that we can take our physical relationship together as slow as he wants. The only thing is, he can't figure out how slow we should go. I would help him figure it out, but I'm not entirely the one who wants to take what we do slowly. I don't feel like it's ruining out relationship at all. I don't feel like it's become a necessity either but it definitely hasn't ruined our relationship in the slightest. In my opinion the way I look at him, the way I feel and see him is my way of showing him how much I love him. No, I am not going to have sex with Joe until we are married. We both agreed on that but he still doesn't know how far we should go. So I am going to let him figure it out this time, because if it were up to me..we'd still be doing the things we usually do together. I'm going to miss doing them...like I said it's truly my way of showing my feelings...I'm afraid that by lack of expressing myself, I might lose him. Although he swears that I never will.